


Heartbeat

by CherryBlossomLesbian



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Broken Bones, Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Hospitals, Injury, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Past Riley/Sam Wilson, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sam Wilson has PTSD, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV) Trailers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29601282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryBlossomLesbian/pseuds/CherryBlossomLesbian
Summary: He was used to falling.Even before the train, it was almost always a constant in his life. Falling off playground equipment, jumping into a lake and falling into the water below, slipping and falling while carrying something at the docks.But falling has never quite felt like this.OR: Bucky falls. Sam has flashbacks, and so does Bucky.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 139





	Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> Low-key inspired by [my own tweet](https://twitter.com/cartersleia/status/1363342828294860803), although I've had the first 700 words in my drafts for the past month. 
> 
> Warnings: Injury, hospitals, PTSD, and nightmares.

He was used to falling. 

Even before the train, it was almost always constant in his life. Falling off playground equipment, jumping into a lake and falling into the water below, slipping and falling while carrying something at the docks. 

But falling has never quite felt like this. 

His heart was racing a mile of a minute, and the sound of his own blood rushing to his head as he panicked was louder than the air whipping around him as he plummeted. 

He’s never fighting in an aircraft again. Especially not one flying 10,000 feet above a nearly abandoned desert with the cabin door wide open. 

He saw a bright flash of red. 

And then he hit the ground. 

~~~~~~

He woke up to beeping. 

It isn’t the usual walking-up-in-the-hospital cliche in movies. Where the main character wakes up to bright lights and immediately asks _Am I dead? ___

__It was more like 'ugh, this again'.__

____It wasn’t his first time being hurt during a mission, and it definitely would not be his last._ _ _ _

____He groaned, opening his eyes to the bland cream walls of the hospital room. The curtains on the window were drawn up, with moonlight shining through the sheer white fabric._ _ _ _

____"Buck?"_ _ _ _

____He smiled._ _ _ _

____"Sammy." His voice comes out scratchy and nearly unintelligible- he wonders how long he's been out for for his voice to sound like that._ _ _ _

____When he speaks, he also realizes there's something on his face, surrounding his nose- an oxygen mask, his brain fills in._ _ _ _

____He turns his head to the side, towards the direction he heard Sam. The plastic on the hospital pillow crinkles as he does, and the flimsy hospital gown he's in shifts uncomfortably._ _ _ _

____But none of it matters._ _ _ _

____'Cause Sam's here._ _ _ _

____He's sitting on a shitty plastic chair at Bucky bedside, bags below his eyes and various bandages on his face. His own injuries from the battle that left Bucky like this._ _ _ _

____Sam swallows. "You were out for two days. Concussion, of course. They had to do surgery on your leg, your left kneecap basically shattered on impact. You used your metal arm to soften your landing- it's in a terrible shape, Shuri's coming over tomorrow to work on it and visit." He explains, spitting every piece of information out like it's a blessing he's even there to hear it. "They've got you on oxygen. They were worried about your brain, as they should. They're watching for seizures. Your spine and hip looks good though, the only mobility problems you'll have is with the cast on your leg. There's an IV in your right hand. Pain meds, antibiotics, and proper nutrition. Blood oxygen monitor on your finger." By the time he's finished, Bucky can clearly see little pools forming in his boyfriend's eyes._ _ _ _

____"...they said without the serum, you'd be dead."_ _ _ _

____Bucky closes his eyes slowly, and lets out a long, tormented sigh, made harder by the oxygen mask on his nose._ _ _ _

____"Well." He finally speaks after a long bout of silence that allowed a certain thickness to hang in the air. "Good thing I had it then, huh?"_ _ _ _

____A single tear flows down Sam's cheek._ _ _ _

____And then another._ _ _ _

____And another._ _ _ _

____And then Sam reaches out to grab Bucky's wrist, avoiding his hand due to the IV, and starts full on sobbing._ _ _ _

____Bucky can't blame him._ _ _ _

____"Hey, hey, Sammy, it's okay." He tries to reassure in a soothing voice, but with the way he sounds right now, that's not possible. If he had his metal arm, he could cup Sam's face in his hand, wipe the tears off his cheeks as they fell._ _ _ _

____But it had been detached, so he's trying his best._ _ _ _

____"Here, honey-" Bucky jostles his wrist around, enough that Sam lets go, and Bucky uses the opportunity of having a free hand to grab Sam's and pull it to his chest._ _ _ _

____"Feel that?" He asks, Sam's hand on his chest just above his heart. Bucky holds it there, watches as Sam's breathing goes more even and tears slow down._ _ _ _

____He nods, cheeks drenched in tears and eyes becoming rimmed with red._ _ _ _

____"I'm okay." Bucky looks up at him, holding eye contact while his heart beats under Sam's hand. "I'm here."_ _ _ _

____"I watched you fall." Sam says quietly, voice hard to understand around the sobs that have devolved into hiccuping cries. "And I saw him."_ _ _ _

____Sam didn't have to elaborate on who._ _ _ _

____Bucky knew._ _ _ _

____Before they officially started dating, Sam told him everything about Riley. He said everything he learned about love was from him. It was his first real relationship, outside of a few girlfriends in high school that he'd never gotten serious with._ _ _ _

____Everything he knew about loss came from him too._ _ _ _

____Sam's had nightmares before, bad ones, where he's seen Bucky fall and crash in the same way Riley had. At first, he'd refuse to talk with Bucky about them, but as they started occurring more and more frequently and Sam started screaming out Bucky's name in terror in his sleep, he'd been forced to tell Bucky about them._ _ _ _

____And now that recurrent nightmare was a reality._ _ _ _

____"I'm sorry." Bucky apologies, close to crying as well. He caused Sam so much pain from his injury, from his fall, and he just wants to take it away but he _can't _.___ _ _ _

______"It's okay." Sam reaches over to the bedside table next to the hospital bed, and grabs a handful of tissues to wipe his tears with as they begin to slow to a stop._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Look who's awake."_ _ _ _ _ _

______Out of his peripheral vision, he saw Sharon standing in the doorway with arms full of balloons and various other gifts._ _ _ _ _ _

______Sam looked back at her as well, breaking the eye contact he'd been holding with Bucky for the better part of ten minutes._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Really, Shar? I think you went a bit overboard with the gifts." Sam shook his head in fake disapproval._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Oh, there aren't all from me, don't worry." Sharon said with mock-disgust, as if even the thought of her being nice to Bucky was sickening._ _ _ _ _ _

______She walked into the hospital room, setting the balloon weight on the bedside nightstand next to the tissue box. They were all brightly colored, hot pinks and vibrant yellows, with smiley faces and "get well soon"s printed on them._ _ _ _ _ _

______"The balloons were all me, through." She admitted with a shrug._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Yeah, makes sense why there's a Tinkerbell one then." Sam replied with a smirk as he tugged on the string that kept the round balloon with tinkerbell on it attached to the navy blue weight._ _ _ _ _ _

______"What? I thought he liked Disney Princesses!"_ _ _ _ _ _

______"She's a Disney Fairy, _not _a princess." Sam corrected as Bucky sighed, hand planted to his forehead in fake frustration. Truly, he found these little arguments between them endearing.___ _ _ _ _ _

________"Look, all they had was Elsa and Aurora is his favorite-"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Snow White." Bucky chided._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Yea, figures she's your favorite." Sam rolled his eyes before taking another tissue from the box to blow his nose._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Anyway, Rhodes got you something too." Sharon said, holding the gift basket out to Bucky._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Really? I don't think I'm bad enough to warrant the "get well soon" parade." Bucky grabbed the basket from her, wincing a bit as his leg shifted, causing a spike of pain to radiate from his knee._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"You were in critical condition for twenty-four hours." Sharon crossed her arms, and that was the sign that Bucky was in for a lecture. "Your injuries are severe, Barnes. I know you probably feel fine now, but it's nothing to treat lightly. Everybody was worried. Me and Sam were hopeful you'd pull through, but...it didn't look good for a while. I'm not sure Sam's gotten any sleep for three days."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"No, no, I got an hour last night." Sam protested, as if that single hour was anywhere near enough._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________With a little unwrapping of plastic, Bucky opened the basket from Rhodes, and was greeted by a tiny teddy bear with a large, sewn in fabric cast on his leg, a box filled with chocolate as well as a few bags of chips with a post it note that read "bedrest snacks" on it, and a "get well soon" card that was obviously meant for a child with all the teddy bears on it. On the inside, written in what was unmistakably Rhodes' handwriting said, "I hope you don't mind the card. I figured it was fine since you act like a child anyway."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Bucky handed the card over to Sam when he asked why Bucky was smirking. Sam read it and nodded, simply stating "he's right"._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Once the nurses finally found out he was awake, he was consumed by answering doctor's questions and practically being force-fed shitty hospital food._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________By the time the sun was rising and Sharon took her leave to go to a meeting, Bucky was more than happy to lay his head on the crinkly hospital pillow and drift off._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________~~~~~~~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He was let out of the hospital three days later, although he was still reprimanded to bedrest for a week so he didn't disrupt the healing of his kneecap._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sam was an angel. He brought Bucky food, water, pain meds, and helped with anything else his boyfriend needed. It was almost reminiscent of when Sam had the flu at the start of their relationship, and Bucky had done the same for him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Shuri had come by the day after he woke up, and had his arm fixed by midnight. She also brought a vase of flowers that was sitting in a glass jar on the dresser, next to the slowly deflating balloons and teddy bear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________His metal arm was sitting detached in its case on the dresser as well. It wasn't necessary for him to have it when he's just laying in bed doing nothing, and it was better for his healing to not have the extra weight and pressure._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He was doing okay. There was still a bit of pain, but he could handle it. His various daytime naps and sleep had been largely nightmare free._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________That was until his sixth night after waking up in the hospital._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He saw flashes of the fall. The desert landscape, the sun beaming down on him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Then, in a second, it switched to snowy peaks and freezing temperatures biting at his skin as he plummeted, screaming._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It switched back to the desert._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It switched again to the Alps._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________It switched, changed, all in a blur of panic and uncertainty and pure terror._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He screamed so loud that the sound left his own ears ringing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sam shook him awake, out of the nightmare and back into reality, whispering his name, reminding him who he is, that he's okay._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Bucky breathed out harshly, staring up at the ceiling as he realized that it was just a nightmare. He hadn't fallen again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He's okay._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Sam moves over to lay next to Bucky, cuddling up next to him. Bucky takes the opportunity of the closeness to place a chaste kiss to Sam's forehead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Thanks." He says, his voice a little hoarse from the screaming._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"No problem." Sam murmurs, snuggling up into Bucky's side, already about to fall asleep again, treating the nightmare as a minor incident._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Not for Bucky through. It signals something in him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He hasn't had a nightmare about the train in six months. He thought that was finally something he could put behind him, that it was something he had healed from._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Apparently not. His new fall had set that all back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Bucky sucked in a breath, focusing on the warmth of Sam's body and the way both their chests rose and fell when they breathed. Sam's was more rapid than Bucky's own, he began to notice after minutes and minutes of observation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Eventually, his eyelids grew too heavy to stay upright._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He repeated the mantras to himself in his head. I am okay. Recovery is not linear. I am loved._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He dwelled on the last one._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Then he wrapped his arm around them both, anchoring him to the present and future with Sam._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Only then did he finally close his eyes and slip away to sleep peacefully._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

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